


It Takes Three Idiots and an Accident to Send a Text

by ash_mcj



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Disasters, Getting Together, Multi, Spideypool - Freeform, Texting, The Three Disaster Roommates, clint barton is trying his best, hawkeye squared, hawkeye² - Freeform, west coast avengers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25256662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ash_mcj/pseuds/ash_mcj
Summary: Clint just wants to ask Kate out on a date. Of course, the only people around to help him figure it out are his roommates Peter and Wade.“You’re supposed to ask her to dinner, not tell her to dinner.” Wade reminded.“Well, what am I supposed to say, then?” Clint asked, deleting the words he’d typed into the text box.“Just go with the other one you said. Ask ‘Do you want to get dinner?’” Peter encouraged.“Yeah, that’s perfect.” Wade agreed.Clint nodded and typed it into the phone, then held it out for everyone to proof-read it.“Now you sound kinda like a pussy.” Wade shook his head disapprovingly.“What the hell, guys?” Clint growled, deleting the message again.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Kate Bishop, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Kudos: 45





	It Takes Three Idiots and an Accident to Send a Text

“What’s wrong, Clint? You look stressed out.” Peter asked, moving an empty pizza box onto the coffee table so he could plop down onto the couch beside him. 

“I’m fine.” He waved him off, staring at his phone screen. He had been looking at the text chat between himself and Kate for over fifteen minutes, trying to figure out how in the world to do this.

Clint Barton was not new to the dating scene, nor was he awkward around women. He’d dated more girls in his thirty years than anyone he knew, including his teammate Tony Stark. However, this wasn’t just some chick, this was _Kate Bishop._

Kate Bishop, the one woman in the world that genuinely scared the shit out of him. Even when Clint first met her when she was eighteen, she had a confidence and a smart mouth that could shut anyone up, and she’d only gotten more terrifying since then. They’d become a team over the past few years, once she had proved that she no longer needed him as her mentor. He would never admit it, but he was pretty sure she was more talented than him at this point.

Kate Bishop: Long dark hair, blue eyes, and light freckles which Clint guessed covered her entire body...and he wanted literally _nothing_ more than to find out if he was right.

Hence the reason Clint had been staring at his phone for fifteen minutes. Kate was single and this was his chance to make his move--and he _had_ to make his move. He was pretty sure he was in love with her and she didn’t even know.

“That sounds exactly like something someone who is _not_ fine would say.” Wade argued, sitting on the armrest of the couch on Clint’s other side.

“It’s Kate.” Clint sighed, sliding his hands down the front of his face. “She’s single again. I want to ask her to dinner or something.”

“Finally! I thought you were gonna silently pine forever.” Peter said excitedly, bumping his shoulder with his own. “Call her!”

“I won’t be able to ask her out if I know she’s listening to me like that. I tried last year when she broke up with Eli and you know what happened? I told her I wanted to start up a West Coast base for the Avengers.”

“I wondered why we came to Los Angeles to live in this shitty apartment so randomly.” Wade said. “But hey, that’s how you got us! We wouldn’t have become roommates, if you didn’t panic.”

“I need to text her tonight, or I’ll keep putting it off.” Clint told himself firmly, straightening up in his seat. “How should I word it? ‘Let’s get dinner’ or ‘Do you want to get dinner?’”

“Go with ‘Let’s get dinner’.” Peter told him. “That way you sound assertive and confident.”

“You’re right.” Clint agreed, typing it out with trembling fingers.

“Actually, no.” Wade stopped him, grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand up to prevent him from hitting _send_. “Now you sound a little aggressive.”

“That’s true; you don’t wanna be the guy that’s like ‘Let’s! Get! Dinner!’ like you’re some sort of caveman or something.” Peter told him.

“You’re supposed to _ask_ her to dinner, not _tell_ her to dinner.” Wade reminded.

“Well, what am I supposed to say, then?” Clint asked, deleting the words he’d typed into the text box.

“Just go with the other one you said. Ask ‘Do you want to get dinner?’” Peter encouraged.

“Yeah, that’s perfect.” Wade agreed.

Clint nodded and typed it into the phone, then held it out for everyone to proof-read it.

“Now you sound kinda like a pussy.” Wade shook his head disapprovingly. 

“What the hell, guys?” Clint growled, deleting the message again. “This is stupid. How did you two get together?”

“Wade followed me around and kept holding my hand during patrols until he kinda grew on me.” Peter shrugged. “I don’t recommend that course of action--I considered a restraining order a few times.”

“No restraining order could have kept me away from you, Baby Boy.” Wade said lovingly, looking over at his boyfriend. “Plus, I _told_ you why I was holding your hand: It helps me focus on things--and patrolling is no time to get distracted.”

“This is impossible.” Clint groaned, leaning back into the cushion and half-hoping that the couch would just absorb him and save him from having to send this text.

“Let’s just think for a second.” Peter recommended. “Kate is just a person. This isn’t scary. She’s not going to kick your ass just because you sound stupid in your text. She might if it was Wade or I, but you know she cares about you more than anyone. I’m pretty sure that’s why none of her relationships work out--she spends too much time with you instead of them.”

“Okay, so just ask her! ‘Hey, Kate! Dinner this weekend would be fun, yeah?’” Wade urged, pointing at the phone insistently.

“Just remember that the last thing you wanna be is the overbearing masculine guy that’s like ‘Let’s get dinner, Bitch! I’m the breadwinner!’”

“Right, but women also love assertiveness.” Wade pointed out.

“I’m gonna just jump out the window, instead.” Clint decided and moved to stand up, but his roommates pulled him back down onto the couch.

“Be polite. Say ‘Dinner would be something that I would enjoy taking you to, if you were also interested in attending the meal.’” Peter offered.

“Yes, the more words, the better.” Wade agreed.

“No, wait! Say ‘I would like nothing more than to take you to the finest restaurant in town for a lovely meal that we call dinner, Milady.’”

“This isn’t a damn Jane Austen novel, Parker!” Clint exclaimed.

“You know who that is?” Peter asked, surprised. “I didn’t know you read.”

“You know what--fuck this!” Wade yelled suddenly and jumped to his feet, causing the other two men to flinch. “Say ‘Dinner tomorrow night. 7pm. Take it or leave it, you _bitch_.”

“Yeah, she’s obviously playing games now.” Peter said, going along with Wade’s energy.

“Sign it, seal it, deliver it.” Wade said sternly. “I don’t know why girls are so difficult all the time!”

“I’m not going to say that.” Clint argued.

“Yeah, definitely don’t say that, dude.” Peter sighed, falling back onto the couch again.

“Why is it so hard to tell Kate Bishop --my partner, who I spend ninety percent of my time with already-- that I want to take her out on a date? This shouldn’t be so damn stressful!” Clint complained, throwing his phone onto the coffee table. 

There was a soft _‘woosh’_ sound and all three of the men froze, looking at the cell phone with wide eyes.

“Holy shit.” Clint breathed. “What did I send?”

“I don’t know--pick up the phone!” Peter prompted, nudging his side.

“No, I can’t! Wade, you look.”

Wade reached out and grabbed the phone. He pushed play on the voice message and Peter’s voice filled the silent room.

_“--definitely don’t say that, dude.”_

_“Why is it so hard to tell Kate Bishop --my partner, who I spend ninety percent of my time with already-- that I want to take her out on a date? This shouldn’t be so damn stressful!”_

“I’m jumping out the window for real.” Clint said after a moment, and nobody stopped him this time. He walked over to the window and unlatched the lock, before his text tone went off. “What’s it say?”

 _“You literally just had to ask, you idiot.”_ Wade read out. “Clint, I think that’s a yes!”

“That’s a yes for sure!” Peter confirmed, taking the phone from him and looking at the message.

“She said yes?” Clint asked, a smile pulling at his lips. “Holy shit! Oh, my Gods! She said yes!”

“Respond!” Peter yelled, holding the phone out to him. Clint ran over and grabbed it from him, taking his spot on the couch again.

“Wait, but what if it isn’t a yes? She didn’t _say_ yes.” Clint asked nervously. 

“I hate everything.” Wade grumbled.

The text tone sounding a second time caused them all to huddle over the phone again.

_I’ll come get you around 6:30pm tomorrow night and we can find food that isn’t pizza. Do your hair and wear clean clothes._

“It’s definitely a yes.” Wade grinned, clapping him on the shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to support me even more, you could follow [My Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/marvel-obsessed-chick)
> 
> [inspired by a video on tik tok by @invulnerable_justice with a sound by @emersonstevie. I'm not a tik toker, I'm a writer, so I brought it here.]


End file.
